How To Deal With The Death Of A Loved One?

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If there is an employee at a business, he acts as a representative of the owner. He has similar authority, but he is not the owner. If he tries to become the owner, he will be eligible for punishment. Similarly, your home, your body, your family, all this is a creation of God. Not your creation. It all belongs to God. God is the owner of the Maya (illusion). You started thinking of yourself as the owner. Gopal Shastranaam has a word that goes like Jagan Natak Vaibhava.  This world is a stage, my dear. You mistakenly decide to play and forget you were playing a role. The role is temporary, but you believe that the drama is true. This will make you a captive in reality. You will come under dualities of attachment and hatred. The law then binds you. Let me explain it more through a story!

Anecdote Of Chitraketu On Personal Loss

Once upon a time, there was a king named Chitraketu. This pastime is mentioned in the Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam. Devarshi Narad ji and Angira ji used to adore him a lot. Once they went to him without invitation, he was sitting worried. They said, O King, we came here to preach to you about Supreme bliss; why are you worried? He replied, please do not preach to me maharaj. I don’t want a discourse about the supreme bliss; I want a son. They told him that the joy of a son is not written in your destiny because of your karma. He had so many queens but not even a single child. He kept marrying for this very reason, he was a king so it was within his right. When they saw that he was adamant, they said, you will have a son, but he will bring happiness and distress.

The king did not hear these words carefully because his intellect was covered with enchantment. He just heard that he would have a son and became overjoyed. He had a son from the eldest queen. Now, the king’s whole attention, every instinct, came towards the son because he was entranced. As soon as he used to get free from the court, he would head straight to that palace where the son resided. He wouldn’t even look at the other queens.

Seed of Jealousy and Death Of The Son

All other queens thought that this is such misfortune for us. First we did not bear a child and since the time the elder queen had a son, the king doesn’t even look at us. That child is an enemy for all of us. They took the midwife in confidence and instructed her to poison the child with a potent poison with milk. The child slept, and the whole body turned blue. The other midwife screamed to inform others because many servants were in the king’s court. The eldest queen came running. She saw that the whole body of the boy had turned dark due to the effect of the poison. She got him checked by the physician, but he was lifeless. The king became angry and started screaming and crying. He held on to the feet of the dead son on his chest and started crying loudly. 

Devarshi Narad ji and Angira ji came when they saw that the king was extremely restless. They said, O king, we told you that the joy of a son is not in your destiny. He replied, please don’t preach to me; I need my son. The sages said, we can call him briefly; we will call him right now. With their extraordinary abilities, they ordered the Dharmraj (Yamraj) to spare that soul for a bit from the clutches of Yama (the god of death).

The Dead Son Returns

Narad ji knows everything, he is omniscient, also Angira ji is omniscient. They said to the soul, look, your father loves you so much, you come back to this body, we will take care of the destiny. The soul replied, why are you joking like this, he is my father? He had become my wife so many times, a son so many times, this business has been going on for so many births, is this a father, he is just crying for his own ego and attachment. As soon as the soul spoke, the king said dear God, I do not wish for a son. He was given a mantra and did such great prayers that he got sight of Lord Sankarshana.

We should develop love towards God and listen to Satsang (Spiritual Discourse). No one is a son, no one is a wife, no one is a father, no one is a husband of anybody. For some time, we have been in this drama of Maya. We have come with the dresses of women and men. Get your work done.

Story of King Bharat Getting Attached To A Deer

Bharat Ji left his kingdom and his queens to embark on a journey to attain God. But later, he became attached to a deer. He remembered the deer at the time of his death, so he was born as a deer in his next birth. Imagine what will happen to us. He reounced everything and still got caught in the attachment. We are still completely within this web of attachments. That is why no one is your son. You obtain God in a householder life when you see God in your son, husband, and wife. When you see God in someone, there is no grudge or other dirt; we just want to please them. 

When Narsinh Mehta’s son died, he took the cymbals and danced. People said that he should cry. He said the one who does not belong to Hari cries, we belong to Hari. My son came for a few days, did his pastimes and left. It’s God’s property; he can take care of it Himself. I even got more freedom; now I can worship Him day and night. I am not worried at all. 

How To Act With Detachment All The Time?

Always chant Radha Radha (the holy name of God). When you have the name of God with you, the vices ( lust, anger, greed, attachment) will not be able to defeat you. We have forgotten the name, God’s worship. Just like eating each morsel makes the hunger go away, similarly, by worshipping the Lord each moment by chanting His name, we get detached from the world, understand our real form, and get love for God. But if a person is hungry for many days and stops after one morsel, he will feel even more hungry. At least half the stomach should be full. So this way if for 12 hours a day we start to remember God and worship Him, then you will feel supreme bliss.

Walk on the true path; whatever happiness and distress comes, just tolerate it – Say Radha Radha and get out of this place. You are in a slaughterhouse. Run from here, get out. The time will destroy you. Don’t you hear, someone meets an accident and was torn to pieces. Some say the moving car caught on fire, nobody could get out, everyone got burnt to ashes. What is all this? Everyone is controlled by death, this is a slaughter house of time, something or the other will come in the form of an axe, and destroy you. There is a set limit of life therefore chant Radha Radha, and run. Awaken the desire for deep knowledge, and try to get free from this world. Chant the name of God, worship Him, and listen to spiritual discourses, and your intelligence will become pure. This can save you from misery.

The Impermanence Of This Material World

Except God’s name, God’s past times, God’s shelter, there is no other way to eliminate all the agony, in all the three worlds. There is no other way. 

Tab lagi Kushal Na Jeev Kahu, 
Sapnehu Mann Vishraam, 
Jab Lagi Bhajat Na Raam
Kahu Shok Dham Taji Kaam

Sri Ramcharitmas

This place is called Mrityu Lok (planet of death), everyone must die. You and I will also die, so why be remorseful? Even when God Himself appeared here, He performed the past time of disappearance. You are looking for happiness in this miserable place, thinking there will be something special for you. Run, get free from this material cycle. To run means attaining God, and God is achieved through the chanting of His holy name.

Jo sabhit aava sharnai
Rakhiyo tahi praan ki nai

Sri Ramcharitmas

God says, be scared and take my shelter, and I will deliver you from all fear.

State Of A Devotee At The Time Of Death

God himself comes to take His devotees personally. The minds of devotees are always absorbed in the bliss of God, they have already left their bodies, death is just a pastime for them. Just like a snake does not experience pain in shedding its skin, devotees do not experience pain in leaving their bodies. Death is a matter of bliss for them. Death is a celebration for them. God says, I am death, so it is God in the form of death taking away everyone. But for devotees, He doesn’t come in a scary form. He comes in a lover’s form. That is why chant the holy name and remain in the shelter of God. 

Original Question – My son died at age of 21, I am not able to forget him. What should I do?
Answer by – Pujya Shri Hit Premanand Ji Maharaj
Answered on – 13.10.2023

Original Video Of Shri Hit Premanand Ji Maharaj Answering The Question: