Today, most of the relationships are operating under the influence of lust, anger, greed, attachment, and lust. It is mostly selfishness and there is hardly any love left in any relationship. There is no trust between husband and wife. There is no trust in the parents and there is no faith in the children. We keep hearing so many incidents where even brothers fight for petty reasons. It all feels so impermanent, changing every moment. Who is truly ours in the end? Even if they continue to make us happy, we must part with them at death. Let’s look at the answer to this existential question through some stories and writings by the great saint Charandas Ji.
All Relationships End
“Apna Hari Bin Aur Na Koi,
Saint Charandas Ji
Matu Pita Sut Bandhu Kuṭumb Sab, Svaarath Hi Ke Hoi”
Here Charandas ji says, you feel people love you? But, till when? Till you are worthy of their selfishness. In reality, it is just God who is your own, no one else.
Death Is Inevitable
“Ya Kaya Ku Bhog Bahut Dai, Mardan Kari Kari Dhoi,
Saint Charandas Ji
So bii Chutat Nek Tanik Si, Sang Na Chali Voi”
He further says, you feed this body, commit many sins for it, wash it, decorate it, kept it safe, but this will not support you one day. Your own body will not be with you, what to speak of family, possessions or anything else. Here he hints towards the impermanence of the body.
Till now, we looked at the impermanence of this body and the relationships of this world.
Are You Scared Of Your Partner Leaving You?
“Ghar Ki Nari Bahut Hi Pyari, Tinme Nahin Doi,
Saint Charandas Ji
Jivat Kehti Saath Chalungi, Darapan Lagii Soi”
The wife who says to her husband (or vice versa) that I cannot live with you, the same wife will be scared to stay with dead body in the same room even for one day when the husband dies. The story in the next sections explains this point further.
I Can’t Live Without You
A devotee used to associate with saints since his childhood. He used to visit his Gurudev everyday. As per the advice of his parents, he got married. After marriage, he told his wife that I visit my Gurdev everyday, she said I cannot live without you for even a moment. He too felt that she couldn’t live without him.
Months passed by and he stopped visiting his Gurudev. His Gurudev enquired about his whereabouts from his disciples. They told him he got married. He instructed them to let him know that Gurudev would like to meet him. He went to meet his Gurudev. Gurudev asked, It has been a long time, you did not come to see me. He replied, Maharaj ji. I have been married, she loves me so much that she can’t live without me. Gurudev replied, yes, the relationship between a husband and wife is like that, but everyone can live without others. He said, Gurudev, till today I listened to everything you said, but I cannot obey this, she really loves me and cannot live without me.
Gurudev wanted to show him the reality of this world through an experience. He said, I will teach you a new pranayama method, you will have to come to for 15 days to learn it everyday. Once you learn it, you will become lifeless for 10 minutes at will. Doctors will declare you dead, but you will be alive. No pulse, no heartbeat! With my blessing, you would still be able to hear everything that would be spoken around you. He agreed to learn the method. The wife did not agree, he convinced her saying it’s only for 15 days, I will never go to Gurudev post this. She agreed.
Would You Die For Me?
He learnt the method and was able to become lifeless whenever he wanted. Gurudev instructed him to go back to his house and use the method and become lifeless at the main door. He followed the order, he could still listen to people around him. Now everyone from the family came outside and thought he was dead. They started crying. The villagers also assembled around. Doctors declared him dead too. The wife was crying in separation. Gurdev arrived, acted as if he did not know anything and asked what was happening. The parents told him that his disciple has passed away.
He enquired who loves him the most? The wife stepped forward and said I cannot live without him. He took charnamrita (holy water) in his hand and said if you drink this water, you will die and he will come back to life, anyway you said you cannot live without him, atleast he can live.She replied, Maharaj Ji, whatever was supposed to happen has happened and did not drink it. She stopped crying.
This shows the futility of material relationships. He offered the family members if they would like to bring the son back in return for their own lives, everyone being aware of the magical capabilities of Gurudev did not dare to drink it and declined. At last, he said, he is my disciple, i will drink it and bring him back to life. He drank it, the disciple came back to life and said I will leave my home right now, none of these people actually love me. Gurudev instructed him to stay home, take care of his duties but be unattached to everyone. See god in everyone and serve them, do not get attached to anyone, in reality no one is yours, only God.
Can Money Buy Happiness?
“Jo Kahiye Yah Dravya Aapni, Jin Ujjal Mati Khoi,
Saint Charandas Ji
Aavat Kashṭ Rakhat Rakhvari, Chalat Praan Lai Joi”
Money can take your life, it can destroy you, and anyway, who has taken the money with him after life? One suffers so much aggregating it and then protecting it, but leaves it all behind at the time of death. If you consider money, your body, relatives as your own, you are at a loss. If you consider God you own, you will have everything, money, family etc, but you will be unattached to them.
God Is There for You
“Ya Jag Me Koi Hitu Na Diikhai, Main Samajhau Toi,
Saint Charandas Ji
Charandas Sukdev Kahai Yo Suni Liijai Nar Loi”
No one is your own except for lord Hari. That is why Shripad Prabodhananda saraswati Maharaj is saying, Brother, you have to die, today or tomorrow, all the pleasures and all your relationships will be left behind you. Therefore, to attain supreme happiness, bring your body to Vrindavan, honour the Raj (holy dust) of Vrindavan, associate with saints, engage in Satsang and chant the holy name.
Answered by – Pujya Shri Hit Premanand Ji Maharaj
