I already shared with you how the mercy of Ladliju brought me to the lotus feet of my Sadgurudev. I had to cry a lot before Sadhgurudev Bhagavan approved my Nij Mantra initiation. At that time, Sadgurudev Bhagavan neither met nor talked with anyone. After about a year or two of serving Maharaj Ji, I was convinced my whole life now belonged to him. I had surrendered to him as soon as I saw him. But I didn’t dare to say anything to him about the Nij Mantra initiation.
Repeated Requests For Initiation
One day, I gathered courage and told Sadgurudev that it had been so long since you gave me the Sharanagati mantra that I now strongly desire Nij Mantra and Virakt vesh (renunciate attire). Maharaj ji immediately said, what mantra? Leave all this. He did not touch on this topic at all. He completely ignored my request!
Then, one day, I mustered courage and said, Maharaj Ji, unless you consent to Nij Mantra initiation, this life seems futile. He replied, why do you feel like this? You are doing seva, and you are also chanting the holy name. Why do you feel life is useless? I said, Gurudev, please don’t ignore it. Please have mercy on me.
He said to get it written from the temple and bring it. There should be written permission on paper; then I will give you the mantra. This was an impossible task! With great courage, I came to Radhavallabh Ji temple and said to him, Lord, I did not even know you; you have dragged me here. You bound me completely in your love. You are capable of completing this task. This is my guru’s order.
Mercy Of Radha Vallabh Lal
There was a sweet shop downstairs. I asked for a pen and paper and kept them in my cloth bag. Today, I had to go to Gurudev with written permission. I went to Goswami Ji present in the Radhvallabh temple and told him, “Maharaj Ji, Nij Mantra? He did not even let me finish my next word. He started saying it would be done; it would be done! On Shri Harivansh Mahaprabhu’s birthday, the mantra will be given to you! You don’t worry”.
What else should I say to him now? I said in my mind. After offering obeisances to him, I got up from there. I went and sat on the verandah in front. I started asking Radhavallabh Ji, did you trap me again? What will I answer to my Gurudev now? He had asked for it in writing. I told Radhavallabh Ji that I could no longer survive without Nij Mantra. Now you take care of me. This gave me amazing supernatural strength from within. I took out a pen paper and started writing on it.
“O merciful, compassionate, our beloved Priya Ju, you are my life, wealth, and everything to me. You have graciously welcomed me in this Upasana, I was not capable of it. I have surrendered myself, please shower your blessings on me, and by your grace, I want to take ‘Nij Mantra’ initiation and Virakt vesh from Pujya Maharaj Ji”
(Shri Hit Premanand Ji Maharaj’s first Letter to Shri Ji )
I gave that letter to Goswami Ji and asked him to sign it. When he saw the letter, he was astonished and said, “Why are you worried? The whole situation seemed to have changed. As soon as he saw the paper, it changed. He said that I would tell your Guru about Nij Mantra initiation. I again requested him to sign it because Maharaj Ji had asked for a written order from the temple. “I will come in the evening and talk to him”, Goswami ji replied. You don’t worry, you go and relax. What could I have said after that? I came back.
Serve Devotees To Receive Mercy
The next day, Sadgurudev Bhagavan said, “Without serving the saints, I cannot give you the Nij Mantra. I excitedly asked him, “What must I do about this? Ask for alms in all the shops in Vrindavan. And then tell me how many things have been received, and then invite as many saints accordingly and serve them, worship them. Then, I will give you the mantra. If your feelings are true, God will help you in every situation.
In every shop I went to, I received a lot of amazing things. Someone gave a basket of fruits; someone gave 500 rupees; others gave 50 and 100 rupees. This was 20 years ago; it was a lot. I was amazed. Sadgurudev Bhagavan said, now invite 50 saints, give them Dakshina, and serve them food. Maharaj Ji himself cooked food for 50 saints and served it to everyone with a lot of enthusiasm. Then I said with great humility, Maharaj ji, now Sant Seva has also been done; please give me the mantra.
The Day of Initiation Arrives
Then he said, do a Dandavati Parikrama of Vrindavan (prostrated circumambulation). Then he said, Dandavati Parikrama of Giriraj Ji, then of Barsana. It was not a small thing to do. After some days, I again asked Maharaj Ji what was next. He laughed and replied, “I’ll think about it,” He laughed and went off. When Maharaj Ji refused again, I went to the Harivansh Mahaprabhu’s temple and cried a lot. O’Lord, please give me your mercy, I said. As he continued to refuse, my anxiety increased. Life looked meaningless. By the grace of Shri Ji, the day came when Pujya Maharaj Ji decided and said yes to giving the Nij Mantra initiation.
Sadguru Dev Bhagavan told me to take a bath in Yamuna and asked me to circumambulate the premises of Radhavallabh ji with a filled Kalash. I came to life. After giving me the Nij Mantra, he told me to keep him informed of what happens at night for three days. Then I told him that today this Acharya came to my dream, today some other Acharya, and today this Acharya came to my dream.
Importance Of Guru
As soon as I got the Nij mantra, I no longer existed. For the following period, I remained in the mood of sahchari bhaav. It was as if “Ta so kripa rasa madak dolat” (One who gets mercy of Lord, roams around intoxicated with love) came to life. This is only possible when the Guru sees that you belong to him. With mind, words and action, one should surrender his life to a guru; only then can this state be achieved. This is not achievable with Sadhana. Do not consider Guru an ordinary human being. God is present in everyone, but the same God comes in the form of Guru to deliver us; unless he shows his mercy, we can’t get the love of God. One who defies his Guru, no matter how good sadhana he does, it all goes in vain.
