Our own mind doesn’t listen to us, so how can we expect others to listen? Once you control your mind, everything else will fall into place. Surrender your mind at the feet of the Lord, and you won’t even see your wife; you’ll see the Lord in her, thinking that He has come in this form to fulfill your desires. Why should she listen to you? Do you follow the words of your Guru and God? If you do, you will see everyone as a form of God, and no one else will exist. As it is said, “Vasudevaḥ Sarvamiti” – God is everywhere and in everyone.
Story of Saint Tukaram
Once, someone gave Saint Tukaram four or five sugarcanes, and he was taking them home. Along the way, some children asked for sugarcanes, so he gave them away, keeping only one for himself. When he reached home, his wife asked about the sugarcanes, and he explained that he had distributed them to the children. Angered by this, his wife beat him with the one remaining sugarcane, breaking it. Tukaram Ji calmly said, “It’s good; the sugarcane needed to be broken anyway.” He didn’t get angry at all. A true devotee doesn’t fight.
Desire to Control Your Wife
If you think your wife should act according to your will and follow you, why should she do that? She is not your servant. Just as you are a soul in a male body, she is also a soul in a female body. She has her own tendencies, just like you do. Learn to bend your own tendencies because you listen to Satsang. By doing so, she may naturally become drawn to you in love. You don’t have the right to rule over her.
Fulfilling Your Duties
Both of you should live as friends, consult each other, and fulfill your duties. Your karma and fate have made her your wife, so honour this relationship. If things don’t work out with love, endure the situation as one would endure a physical ailment. You should think that God has sent her to challenge you so that you may increase your devotion and connection to Him. If you fail to do so, you may resent each other while living under the same roof, burning from within with anger.
A cart runs on two equal wheels. If one wheel is smaller, the cart will topple. If you think that because she is a woman and you are a man, you are superior, then you are mistaken. Just as you have a life, she has one, too. If either of you strays from the right path, the other can offer guidance or correction, but that doesn’t mean she always has to follow you. She has her own desires and preferences, which also deserve respect.
Saint Tukaram’s Wife’s Met God
Though Saint Tukaram’s wife often treated him harshly, she met the lord before him because she was the wife of a devotee. She never ate without first serving food to Tukaram. When Tukaram would sit far away, absorbed in devotion, she would go looking for him. One day, she asked him, “I get tired of searching for you. How will I know where you are?” Tukaram said, “Go to the crossroads and listen carefully. Wherever you hear the sound ‘Vitthal, Vitthal,’ head that way, and you’ll find me there.” That’s how great Tukaram was – wherever he walked, the ground would chant the holy name “Vitthal, Vitthal.”
One day, Tukaram was sitting on a hill, lost in devotional practice. His wife was bringing food for him when a large thorn pierced her foot. She was in immense pain, and walking became difficult. Just then, a boy appeared. He was dark-skinned and wearing yellow garments. He offered to remove the thorn, and instead of using his hands, he pulled the thorn out with his teeth. Then, he tore his yellow cloth to bandage her wound. When she reached Tukaram, he did not see her as his wife but as a great devotee blessed with a divine vision of the lord. She explained how a dark-skinned boy had removed the thorn. Tukaram revealed that the boy was none other than Lord Krishna Himself. This is the nature of our Lord – anyone who honours His devotee, even a little, earns the Lord’s grace.
Conclusion
Engage in devotion, and your spouse’s nature and life will change through your connection. Do not harbour ill feelings toward anyone. Consider this as a result of your past bad karma that you are now experiencing. If God wants, your spouse may become agreeable to you immediately, but you might get attached to her. God, in His mercy, is preventing you from falling into attachment and is allowing you to advance in your devotion while erasing your negative karma. Avoid conflict and strife.
Guidance By: Shri Hit Premanand Govind Sharan Ji Maharaj
