Dealing with Disharmony in the Family – Key Solutions

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Things like negativity in the family and disharmony in the house exist in every house. It’s not just you. It is a universal problem. Unless there is self-study of scriptures, good conduct, chanting of God’s name, and respect for others, there will exist dissension in every house. Parents should be respected, but they are being disrespected. Some parents are washing away children’s mental and emotional feelings. Some fathers are even such that they exploit the nurturing behaviour of their children. Overall, if we look around, every house is getting ruined due to anti-religious conduct. It would be rare to find such a house in which there is love between husband and wife, love between father and son, love between brother and brother. Due to the predominance of disharmony, all this is turning into disturbance. 

Why does Disharmony Happen in Families?

According to our beliefs, we have to enjoy happiness. Wherever we face obstacles in our happiness, that is where dissension happens. I think in place of disharmony, we should learn to calm ourselves. If we try to calm others, it will increase anger and cause further disharmony. If we learn to calm ourselves, we may be saved from disharmony. We are unable to remove the dissent because the intellect is becoming impure. Look, we have prayed multiple times to the young brothers and sisters who are getting entangled in dirty activities, they will not be able to become an ideal householder. The reason is our instincts. They get sturdy day after day. For instance, if we start chanting the name today ten times, tomorrow, we will do it 12 times, then 15 times, 18 times, and if we regularly chant for two to four months, then we will not feel good without chanting.

Similarly, one made a boyfriend today, then the next again or made a girlfriend, broke up and made another again, now our instinct is unknowingly getting habitual of wrong practices. When we enter a householder life (marriage) with these strong instincts, it will not let us live in peace. Will that household be full of disharmony, or will it be peaceful? Think about it. It will only be full of dissent. Our demands and desires have increased, and our love is not focused on one place; therefore, unrest is bound to happen. 

Now some young children need money but their fathers don’t provide that much, so they go on the wrong paths because they need drugs and adultery, they need to show they are no less than anyone. All these external beliefs are causing disharmony in every house these days. Only those are saved who follow at least little religion, chant the name, listen to the satsang of saints, and self-study scriptures.

Disharmony in the Inner Self

Even our inner self is going through disharmony. The mind is dragging towards pleasures, here and there, causing so many disturbances. Just look at it with your intellect and introspect if you are peaceful. Are there no dissents within? Are we free from it? If yes, then we should be engrossed in bliss.

Free of disharmony would mean no thoughts crossover, no desires left, feeling satisfied and blissful. But it is neither within the body nor outside unless one follows religion, takes God’s shelter, chants the holy name, and keeps a body with pure conduct (which has a big impact). If our body remains impure, our senses and mind will remain impure. If our senses and minds remain impure, our thoughts will remain dirty. Now, when thoughts are dirty, the mind is dirty, the senses are dirty, and the body is impure, who will get peace and happiness? Then, we will have an irritating and bitter nature. 

We have seen occurrences in this world that make us feel that this person is a demon in human form. Such a decision is taken because the demonic intelligence has increased. It is like a young child beating an old mother; is he not a demon? The one whose feet should be washed and drunk (Charnamrita), that mother conceived us, that mother threw away our waste, raised us so much, now we should serve her instead of slapping her due to increased demonic intelligence. The father earned his entire life for the children, educated them, and gave away all his wealth out of love, and such children became contrary to their father.

The right way to nurture children

Many types of such instincts burn our hearts, and that is why we tell everyone to chant the holy name or recite “Radha Radha” and encourage small children to do the same, even if it is performed for a short duration (let’s say 5 minutes every day), and also teach them good conducts. Then, they will become good householders in the future. Otherwise, the children not given an education get trapped in arrogance. 

When our parents have not taught us bhajan in life, we no longer know the scriptures to be able to tolerate, which leads to traits like jealousy and restlessness, causing chaos in life. Chanting the name and self-study of the scriptures or Satsang is necessary to live life orderly. Many such young people who started following satsang come and say that they have given up all their addictions. They had made a mistake earlier, but now they keep their parents with them and serve them; hence, their hearts have become cool (peaceful). My life has become meaningful as people are transforming and correcting their nature. If we listen to Satsang, chant the holy name and understand that worshipping God in the temple is not the only supreme devotion; worshipping in everyone’s heart is equally necessary. Govind (Krishna) is present in everyone’s heart, be it a mother, sister, wife, son or family,

He is the same Lord. If he goes away, we will not love those bodies. With this feeling, I believe no disharmony will be left, but it is difficult now because dirty behaviour and intoxication have increased. My mind becomes bewildered looking at the current situation and thinking about the future. Despite multiple requests, young children are intoxicated, which will not let their minds make the right decisions. 

During the festive time, like the English calendar new year (Jan 1st), young children roam on the road or in the liquor bar. Is this a festival? Festival would mean 10-20 people sitting together and chanting the holy name, preparing beautiful dishes, offering it to the Lord, and eating it. Celebrate on any pretext, for that matter, by chanting the holy name, worshipping deities, offering God food, and sharing prasadam (sanctified food) with everyone. This will make your intellect and life pure.  Now, what is this demonic behaviour these days, drinking alcohol, roaming around, creating terror in the streets, and doing insolence? This is taking our society today in the wrong direction.